You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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