I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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