Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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