on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
