I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
