Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
