that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
