My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
