Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
