I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
