I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited