Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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