I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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