If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
