my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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