I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
