You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
