We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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