just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
