I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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