i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
