shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
