I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
