Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
