tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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