So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
