So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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