It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
