Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
