so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
