$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize