So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
