Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How does one acquire holy water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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