TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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