he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
