I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
