Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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