Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
