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): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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