First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES