he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.