So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
