My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus