so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in