Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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