I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
