Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
