Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
