I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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