Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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