Where did you get a picture of my penis
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
