i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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