you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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