You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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