If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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