You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
