I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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