I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Alive.
So much puke
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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