i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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