No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
