Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm drive I can fine osifer
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
