She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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