I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
