Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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