If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
