I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love having hate sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
