sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just cropdusted the office
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
