Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
