I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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