Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
