I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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