Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
